if god were a woman she would have made me with 6 assholes and a never ending appetite so i could shit on everything that much faster

hi, this is a 'new' blog so i am going to start fresh.

i am going to see 4 doctors tomorrow. yay for me. i digress....

i will vocalize a secret. it is something i don't talk about.

people start treating me differently once they know.

i have a cleft penis. no i am joking.

i cross dress.

well that is not a joke but i don't think it is a secret either.

around age 20 my right eye began to get irritated. sort of like pink eye but it wasn't pink eye. the salve didn't help.

then my right cornea ulcerated resulting in permanent scar damage to it.

then the left eye.

the eyes continue to ulcerate and scar.

i am legally blind in my right eye and about a point off in my left eye? it's been a couple years since i went to the optometrist and my sight has degraded since. so i may be at 100% legally blind.

eventually i won't be able to read. reading/writing has been really hard for me which is frustrating because i do enjoy reading/writing.

this is one of the main reasons why my output is kind of erratic and i am not that well read. well that and i get bored really easy. pain + boredom === jereme not finishing a novel.

every day is struggle.

word to that.

i am light sensitive too. all i see is black shadow and light halo so i can't really read outside or drive any more.

everything is blurry. i do see shapes and colors.

my fucked up sight allows me to stay in my head a lot. i just dismiss things because i can't really see them or i'll see some blurry thing and project a memory from my childhood when my sight was 20/20.

the awp post reminded me of how i kept thinking adam robinson was blake butler because their body shapes/colors are very similar. i remember walking up to adam several times, squinting and realizing it wasn't blake and walking away. he probably thinks i am a spent douche or something.

i think i do a decent job of hiding my weaknesses from people. if it wasn't for gena's pictures of awp, i wouldn't really know what people looked like. it is that bad.

like mike young's shirt. i could see colors but that was it. it wasn't until i perused the awp pics that i noticed how homo-erotic/johnny cash it was. i liked that shirt.

the computer helps me because i have large monitors at work and at home. the viewing space is nice. this is why i comment so much on blogs and stuff. they are easy to read.

i remember colin basset was nice enough to send me a chapbook a while back but i couldn't read it because the font was so small but that was by aesthetic design.

i used a magnifying glass on the pages. reading that thing was a bitch and made me feel stupid and weak because it was so hard to see.

i really enjoyed the BSG and CB poems. Matthews I didn't read. his writing i find boring and don't relate to.

any ways who cares.

my cross to bear.

bye.